Jealousy and Fear
by tinylexie
Summary: A look into Darken Rahl's mind because we all know that his mind is a complex thing and his thoughts about his baby brother, the Seeker, the hero, Richard Rahl.


I was the firstborn child.

I was the heir to the throne,

But all the glory was meant for you, dear brother.

You are the child of two powerful bloodlines,

While I am not.

You were born with the most powerful Han in the world,

While my powers were mediocre at best.

Prophecy had great destinies in store for you, dear brother,

While prophecy screamed for my death.

You are the great and noble hero, dear brother.

You were the one born with the great power.

You have the beautiful, fierce Mother Confessor as your love,

While I have no one to love.

You may not believe it, dear brother,

But I do desire love.

I often dream of someone I can love,

And I fantasize about someone who will love me in return.

To my people I am their master,

But that's I am to them.

To my enemies I am a monster to be destroyed,

But to no one am I human;

Yet I am human, dear brother.

I have a heart that beats like another other human's heart.

I have fears and insecurities just like anyone else,

Even though I have trained myself hard to keep them hidden.

There's so much about me that you don't know, dear brother.

All you have ever seen of me is my cruel side,

But I also have a vulnerable side,

Even though you would never believe that

Since I am a monster and all that.

I am indeed the wicked tyrant, dear brother,

I won't deny that.

I have killed and tortured many innocents,

And I have not allowed that to bother me.

Perhaps I have no conscience

As many people believe,

Or perhaps I do have a conscience

That I keep hidden from sight.

After all, when prophecy declares that it is your destiny to die,

You really can't afford to be soft.

There's so much about me that you don't know, dear brother.

I do feel emotions,

Even though you wouldn't believe that either.

I have lived in your shadow for so long, dear brother, too long.

You are the hero; I am the villain.

You are the great and powerful one; I am nothing.

I may be the firstborn,

But father loved you more, dear brother,

Even before you were born.

He bragged about how you would one day kill me,

Right in my face.

Imagine it, my own baby brother was to be my killer.

You may not believe this, dear brother,

But I do desire a family to love me

And to always welcome me with warm and open arms.

I know, I know, I killed my own father,

You don't need to remind me of that, dear brother,

But he did what was necessary to make sure that you would be born,

You who prophecy proclaimed would kill me one day.

I could have truly loved you

Like an older brother ought to love his younger brother

If not for prophecy.

Why else do you think I killed myself, dear brother,

In order to gain power from the Keeper?

I fear you, dear brother.

I feared you before you were even born

Because the shadow of what you would stand for

Was always there beside me.

I have never been free of your shadow, dear brother,

And all because of prophecy.

Prophecy said you would kill me, dear brother.

I had to defend myself.

I may be nothing, unlike you,

But I have just as much right to live as you do.

With the Keeper's help, I could have victory over you, dear brother.I could have the greater power.

You ruined my life, dear brother.

I became a slave to the Keeper

Because of the threat you posed against me.

I would have never given my soul to the Keeper

If I had not had to fear for my life,

Which you were destined to take, dear brother.

Oh, dear brother, I wish I was you.

You are everything I want to be,The noble, shining light that everyone adores and worships,

While I am just an object to be hated.

I am torn between hating you and admiring you, dear brother.

You have always gotten in the way of my grand plans,

And that angered me constantly;But that also made me respect you, dear brother,

Even though I know you will never

Have any respect for me.

I am, after all, the monster

Meant to be sent to the underworld for an eternity.

Oh, dear brother, I wish I was you.

My life could have been better.

My life could have been meaningful.

I could have been somebody

If I had been born the great and noble Seeker

Instead of the wicked tyrant,

But prophecy marked me as the great evil to be destroyed

By the true Seeker.

Because of prophecy, dear brother,

I allowed myself to become the great evil.

For a long time I have been great,

Great at being soulless, unfeeling, uncaring,

Empty of compassion.

At least I'm great at something.


End file.
